Have you ever had a plan that did not turn out how you intended?
Did it seem like the Lord was putting obstacles in your way to steer you in a different direction than you had in mind? Did you ever question His plan for you and wonder why your plan and His plan did not align? This past year, I experienced all of that. I did not understand what Jesus told me until I finally did.
In October 2023, my husband and I and our two sons moved from Germany to Texas. At the time, our oldest was 2.5 years old, and our youngest was only 6 weeks old—talk about a full-on year of casually welcoming a second baby AND deciding to move overseas. Side note: As hard as it was, I would recommend an overseas move with children, but that’s a story for another time.
If you know me, you know I am a planner. I thrive on knowing who, what, when, where, why, and how. So naturally, I have a plan and several backup plans. Does this sound familiar?
My “Plan A” was to take a year of maternity leave and, starting in October 2024, start working part-time remotely from the US for my German employer. Well, as you probably already guessed, that did not work out. To make a long story short, my boss quit, and my new boss was not down with that plan, and the rest is history.
My “Plan B” was to search for local jobs in the sports and non-profit sectors. I applied to some full-time jobs, even though I did not want to work full-time. After my first son, I went back full-time, and I could never catch my breath. If we could make it work, I wanted to avoid that a second time around while the children were young. Sure enough, those local jobs did not pan out either.
Hmm, it was time to whip out my “Plan C”. My next idea was to work at a German school in the DFW metroplex. My children could improve their German language skills, and I could be close to them - clearly a win-win situation. But, it did not work out yet again. Oh darn, another one bites the dust.
My plan and His plan were not jiving. Jesus saw what was on my mind and what tugged at my heart. He knows me too well. He heard those thoughts: “Surely I was meant to do more than wipe bums, make countless snacks, and clean up crumbs all day long… Surely I should put my years of experience and education to use outside the home…” And he heard my heart too: “But my children are only small once, and I don’t want to miss those milestones… But I want to be there for my children and my family, and I don’t want to make compromises that result in my family coming second…” I struggled hard, but He saw me and knew exactly what I needed, like He always does.
I did not see or hear what Jesus was trying to tell me until I finally did. I was one of the Pharisees in Mark 8:14-21:
The disciples had forgotten to bring bread, except for one loaf they had in the boat. “Be careful,” Jesus warned them. “Watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees and that of Herod.”
They discussed this with one another and said, “It is because we have no bread.”
Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”
“Twelve,” they replied.
“And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”
They answered, “Seven.”
He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”
Jesus was not only asking me to open my eyes and ears but also putting blatant obstacles in my path to get the point across because I did not understand. At the time, I was frustrated, and my patience was being tested. Keeping faith in those moments of rejection and redirection was hard, but what seemed like obstacles at the time really turned out to be blessings in disguise. I get to spend time with my littles, and for that, I am so grateful.
I know that He has a plan for me, and rather than worrying about when and how it will happen, I find comfort in prayer and I take one step at a time, walking through the doors He opens and saying Aufwiedersehen (goodbye in German) to the others that close.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
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